What says “Pieces of nine, Pieces of nine”? ANSWER: A Parroty Error Why do computer scientists get confused between Halloween and Christmas? ANSWER: Because Oct 31 = Dec 25 Why is the number 237 magical? ANSWER: Because it is Hex ED How do robots eat pizza? ANSWER: One byte at a time. What kind of steganography do pigs use to send secret messages? ANSWER: Invisible oink. Why don’t avatars trust binary? ANSWER: It makes up everything in the virtual world. How do dolphins compute? ANSWER: They use a Central Porpoising Unit. There are many ways to get number representation wrong I. Not allocating enough space for the range of numbers you will be representing. II. Not allowing for the possibility of negative numbers III. Choosing a representation that makes the operations you need to do difficult (like multiplying with Roman numerals) IIII. Forgetting how Roman numerals actually work. 5. Forgetting what number representation you are using. Forgetting whether you were counting from 0 or not and running off the end. I had a joke about variables but sadly I can’t remember it. I do have a joke about control structures. While I remember it, wait – just be patient. If you promise to keep it secret then I tell it. You laugh. You become happy. I become happy. Else we all become sad. I have a CS joke but it doesn’t compute. I have a joke about my work as a software engineer, but it only works for me. I have a joke about recursion, but I have a joke about recursion, but I have a joke about recursion, but I have a joke about recursion, but I have a joke about recursion, but I have a joke about recursion, but I have a joke about recursion, but I … What is a Roman forum? ANSWER: II-um plus II-um How did the Vikings send messages? ANSWER: By Norse code. What jungle animal has only two states – jumping out and scaring people or not. ANSWER: A Boo-lion Who is the Patron Saint of copying people into emails? ANSWER: St Francis of a CC. What business drives all its customers away but still makes a profit? ANSWER: A self-driving taxi company. A programmer, a software engineer and a theoretical computer scientist were driving to Swansea. Soon after crossing the Severn bridge in to Wales they saw a black sheep alone in a field. The programmer commented “That’s intriguing, Welsh sheep are black”. The software engineer sighed and said “No, some Welsh sheep are black, and we need to test more”. The theoretical computer scientist looked up from her book, and said “There exists in Wales at least one field in which there is at least one sheep which has at least one black side”. [TRUE STORY] A 5-year old digital native is at the theatre for the first time watching the play the Snowman. Sitting waiting, not so patiently, in the interval staring at the closed curtains hiding the stage, he asks “Is it loading?” His friend replies “No, if it was loading there would be a spinning circle in the middle”. [“hip”,”hip”] hip hip array! What’s the most iconic pudding for chocolate loving computer scientists? ANSWER: A GUI chocolate brownie What are digital native’s favourite puddings? ANSWER: Crumble and Raspberry Pi What did the John Lennon say to Paul McCartney when Paul complained about his bright Christmas tree? ANSWER: L.E.D it be How did the lobstr make sure its virtual Christmas cards arrived ok? ANSWER: By sending them with an Error-Correcting Cod. Imagine you are in a locked room with 100 killer robots wearing Santa costumes. How do you get out? ANSWER: Just stop imagining! What’s black and white and red all over? ANSWER: Liquid crystal pixels on a monochrome e-reader. There are 10 types of people: those who understand binary, and those who don’t. Watched by a computer scientist, a biologist and a mathematician, a man and woman enter a house. A little later they see three people come out. The two scientists are each puzzled for a while but then the biologist, suddenly looks really happy and, exclaims “They must have reproduced”. The Computer Scientist, also looking pleased with herself, says “Ahh! there was a bug in the original counting algorithm – an initialization error”. The mathematician, however, has been unperturbed by the whole thing and just remarks “If another person goes into the house, then the house will be empty.” Two bits walked into an expensive bar, but were thrown out because they didn’t have enough for a byte. There are 10 types of people: those who understand binary, those who don’t and those who count from 0. An SQL query goes into a bar, walks up to two tables and asks, “Can I join you?” There are 10 types of people: those who understand binary, those who don’t and those who didn’t expect this joke to be in ternary. Why is a quantum processor like messy hair? ANSWER: Because both are a little entangled. What do you get if you cross a computer with an elephant? ANSWER: Lots of memory Why do neurons in the brain enjoy texting? ANSWER: